The Butt Is Not A Vault

Ever wondered what happens when a Barbie doll takes an unintended journey into places it shouldn't go? This episode delivers an unexpected yet surprisingly educational anatomy lesson that might just save someone from an embarrassing trip to the ER.

Kelli kicks things off with a relatable rant about entitled behavior at the school bus stop, setting the tone for this unfiltered conversation between mom and son. When Mac shares his own school bus drama, it sparks a thoughtful discussion about respect and consequences that resonates with parents everywhere. But things take a memorable turn when Kelli drops a jaw-dropping medical story that leads to crucial anatomical distinctions everyone should understand but few discuss openly.

Between homestead updates featuring Kelli's adorable new bunnies (Trixie, Pixie, and Dixie) and baby chickens adjusting to outdoor life, the pair shares their current entertainment recommendations. Kelli's impressive reading list reveals her appetite for psychological thrillers, while their shared viewing habits show their eclectic taste ranges from "The Walking Dead" to "White Lotus." Their authentic enthusiasm for Magic Mind performance shots provides testimonial evidence of the benefits they've experienced firsthand.

The Easter weekend recap offers a heartwarming glimpse into their non-traditional plans, with bookstore adventures and food-filled gatherings that will have you reminiscing about your own holiday celebrations. Their playful "Which is Worse" game and Mac's confusion over a robot joke showcase the natural chemistry that makes their conversations so engaging.

Don't miss the special bonus at the end – Kelli's radio appearance on 102.9 the Wolf featuring the hilarious saga of Dolly Carton the chicken's narrow escape from becoming dinner. 

Follow us on social media, rate and review the podcast.

Use our code OOBB20 for 20% off Magic Mind to experience the mental boost Kelli and Mac swear by!

Transcript

Introduction and Bus Stop Pet Peeve

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to Honor and Best Behavior. You're here with Mac and Kelly, what up?

Speaker 2 0:08

MacDog Loves.

Speaker 1 0:11

Nothing.

Speaker 2 0:12

Nothing, okay. Well, let me tell you a few things that I have going on. Are you ready?

Speaker 1 0:18

Yeah, I'm ready.

Speaker 2 0:20

Every morning. Every morning on my way to work, I happen to meet this bus and the bus is stopping and picking up all the kids at the bus stop.

Speaker 1 0:31

My bus stop.

Speaker 4 0:32

No, no, no no.

Speaker 2 0:32

This comes before your bus stop, before your bus picks you up.

Speaker 1 0:36

Okay.

Speaker 2 0:38

Anyway, the kids are all in the line and every day there's this one entitled little brat who just starts coming out of her door after everyone's already got on the bus, makes the bus wait for her as she lollygags across the street looking at her phone Everyone's waiting. Now, when I was a kid, you made sure your ass was out there at the bus stop because no bus driver was waiting for you. If you weren't there and ready, snooze, you lose, find another ride. So anyway, drives me crazy. It's my pet peeve Every morning. This girl does not get her ass in gear.

Speaker 1 1:20

So don't be that person. It's not that hard.

Kids Getting Kicked Off the Bus

Speaker 2 1:22

All right. You told me speaking of buses. You told me speaking of buses. You told me that somebody got kicked off your bus. Oh, yeah, that was interesting what are you gonna tell me us about it?

Speaker 1 1:34

yeah, okay, so like, anyways, right, like I don't know what he was doing again. Well, it was like after school, like the activity bus, no, like when everyone's leaving to go, like home and like he was like yeah, he was like picking on someone. I don't know what happened because I like I don't know were you there? No, I wasn't there when it happened, but I was there and, like the bus driver and the kid were arguing oh, was that?

Speaker 2 2:01

exciting I guess yeah was the kid talking back to the bus driver?

Speaker 1 2:05

yeah rude.

Speaker 2 2:07

What is wrong?

Speaker 1 2:08

with the world. And then, like she like called I don't even know what it's called, but like assistant, something okay, like and she was like, oh, they're gonna talk to you and the motherfucker got kicked off the bus for how long? And of course it's the fucking retarded motherfucker that vapes at her bus stop and he's so cool you can't say the r word.

Speaker 2 2:26

Well, I mean, it's fucking true, I'm not wrong well, people, this I'm gonna, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that people who act it. I know that's fine, people who act entitled like that's. It's rude. Like think about how you would feel if people treated you like that?

Speaker 1 2:45

Andy's one of the kids that freaking smokes weed on the bus. You're not cool, little bro.

Medical Warning: Barbie Mishap

Speaker 2 2:49

Not cool. Also, it's not cool to pick on younger kids Not cool, all right. And we all know, right through many years of research and looking into bullying and making it more in your face, we know that the kids that bully people or make fun of people or make bad choices don't always have the best life situation. But let's learn from that people and try to be nice and try to be better. All right, I have a funny story for you. What is that? Okay, I didn't tell you this because I was saving it for the podcast, but one of my friends at work her husband works at ER overnight and it's in the city, not up here. And anyway, this guy came in because he had a Barbie fully submerged up his butthole and had to undergo surgery to get it out.

Speaker 2 3:45

Feed in first, if you know what I mean. Like the Barbie doll.

Speaker 1 3:48

Yeah, oh my fucking God, what the hell.

Speaker 2 3:51

So, anyway, just remember. So here's my medical lesson for everyone today. Your butt does not have an end. It goes and goes and goes. You have 20 plus feet of intestines, and if you put something in your butt without a handle or a string to pull it out, it's not coming out, it ain't coming back, your butt kind of sucks it up in there and it ain't coming out. So your vagina now. I know you're rolling your eyes, but the vagina does have an end.

Speaker 1 4:27

It is a vault and it ends, so that's why you can go as in like a vault door yeah, well, it's like a you go in, okay, and then there's like a space yeah and then there's your cervix, your uterus.

Speaker 2 4:38

So there's an end like you can't. You can't lose something in your body through your vagina.

Speaker 1 4:44

Well, yeah, because it's just.

Speaker 2 4:46

Because it's just a space. Yeah so like, let's say, you put something up in your vagina. This happens often.

Speaker 1 4:51

People lose tampons in their vagina, well, and you just get a bad infection. If you never got it out, well, if you never got it out.

Speaker 2 4:55

yes, you can get toxic shock syndrome, which can lead to sepsis, which you can also like just get a really bad vaginal infection. You can get really like stinky down there, Like usually it feels like you pull a rat out of there that died. It's real bad stinky. But anyway, it's very common that people put tampons in and can't get them out, and guess what. They just come on into the clinic and we put a speculum in, pull it right out.

Speaker 1 5:18

Has that ever happened to you?

Speaker 2 5:21

It's happened to me once or twice. Yes, Wendy has pulled out a tampon for me once or twice in my life, oh my God. So how does?

Speaker 1 5:26

it even happen Like wait, do you sleep with a tampon in? I do, yeah, Was it even for you? I forgot your period.

Speaker 2 5:32

Okay so.

Speaker 1 5:33

And, like your body, just sucks it in.

Speaker 2 5:41

Well, you insert it through the far. Sometimes it gets like it can turn in there, like if you're trying to put it in too deep and your vault's not deep enough and you kind of like turn it and wedge it and the string gets lost. Sometimes you can like reach your finger up in there and like swipe it out and grab it, but sometimes you can't. Or sometimes like you go to pull the string and the string detaches from the tampon and you you're like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 6:03

But now they also have menstrual discs and diva cups in people and the NuvaRing is a birth control method and a lot of people can just reach up in there and pull it in and out. I'm not that's not my specialty I'm not good at putting things in my vagina and pulling them out without a string. But anyway, moral of the story. Anyway, moral of the story. The butt is not a vagina. Don't put things in your butt at all. It's not meant for things to go in there, not even wieners, nothing. Stay out of the butt. There's also a thing called a rectocele where when you put things in your butt or like have a lot of sorry Mac, you plug your ears earmuffs anal sex you will start to pull the rectum out of the anus and then you have a rectocele and then your butt is coming out of your butt.

Speaker 1 6:48

So your butt is coming, google it yes, it's a real thing.

Media Consumption and Entertainment

Speaker 2 6:52

So those are the things that young people aren't thinking about. And also hpv right, hpv? You semen spreaders. You put that in the butt now. Now you gave somebody anal cancer, so that's how you get it.

Speaker 1 7:05

Yes, holy shit.

Speaker 2 7:07

Yes so stay out of the butt, keep it in the front, out of the butt keep it in the front, oh my god, and always wear a condom.

Speaker 2 7:15

Thank you, okay, you know I haven't. I feel like I haven't had a shout out in a little bit, so I really want you guys to follow. If you you don't already, or if you're new to On Our Best Behavior, please follow us on Facebook, instagram. We do have a TikTok. However, it's mostly just me and my chickens, but make sure you like our page, follow us. Share. It's free to share when we post new episodes. If you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please at least hit that five-star rating. If you want to say some really nice things about us, we are very open to that too. Bless you, bless you, holy crap.

Speaker 2 7:56

Somebody told me that if you sneeze six times in a row, that is equivalent to an orgasm. Just so you know.

Speaker 1 8:03

What the?

Speaker 2 8:03

hell yeah, it releases the same chemical when you sneeze as when you orgasm, so sneezing does feel kind of good, if you think about it. Alright, so yes, so get on that Freaking, contagious, sorry. Okay, what are you watching? What are you reading, what are you playing? So what do you want to start with?

Speaker 1 8:34

What are you watching? Are you reading? What are you playing? So what do you want to?

Speaker 2 8:37

start with, what are you watching?

Speaker 1 8:39

what am?

Speaker 2 8:39

I watching sling blade, that's what?

Speaker 6 8:41

it sounds okay funny what am I watching?

Speaker 2 8:42

do you want?

Speaker 1 8:43

me to help you. Yeah, walking dead. Yeah, what season are you on now?

Speaker 2 8:48

yeah, what season are you on now? You've really I'm almost done with season four. Okay, yeah, the last of us we watched one episode.

Speaker 1 8:52

There's another one out, we have to watch.

Speaker 2 8:52

Yeah, we should watch it, dexter. I think we are almost on season four yeah, we're like, basically we're like at the end of season three I just finished season one of white lotus. Oh, I don't think you watch it. It's where they're at the hotel. Have you seen me watch this?

Speaker 2 9:05

I don't think I have so, anyway, I'm gonna watch episode or season two of that next. Are you reading anything or watching anything else? Nah you reading anything? Nah all right. Since we recorded last, I've read one, two, three, three books, and I'm on the next one. So, since we talked, last I finished a court of mist and fury, which is book two of the whole court fantasy audiobook I mackie, I always audiobook because I I think, kudos to you if you read.

Speaker 2 9:38

But I feel like if I can read and do other things at the same time, like that is a win, because I feel so nonproductive if I just sit down and read Like I think, like oh, I just read for two hours and I didn't do anything else. But I clean my house and I read, I do my laundry and I read, I can mow the grass and read, I can drive and read. I can do anything and read at the same time and I really can play my farm game and read, but sure.

Speaker 2 10:09

Okay, fine, I'm just, at least I read something or listen, at least I listen.

Speaker 1 10:15

I listen to something it's called comms. What's that? A game? A game it's sound effects Like I know what to do. Let's hear some of the sound effects that you've learned recently no, I don't know the sound effects, just it's just like sound cues all right, fine, like what?

Speaker 2 10:32

uh, the next book that I read since we listened is called the arrangement and is so good. It's by this author. Her name is robin harding, and I really have liked every book of hers that I've read, but this one is really. It's about this girl who's in college. She's like 21. She is really struggling to pay her bills and she ends up finding out her other friend is a sugar baby. What?

Speaker 1 10:58

the hell.

Speaker 2 10:58

And there is a website where you can find a sugar daddy and they pay you X amount of dollars a month to just kind of hang out with them, go to dinner with them, help them spend their time, and sometimes it can be a sexual level. But it's up to you what you want to do. Anyway, there's a big twist and turn so go ahead and check that one out, for sure. I also recently finished. This is a series by.

Speaker 2 11:25

Jennifer Hillier, and the first one was Creep, which I thought was really good, and the second one is called Freak, and I didn't like it as much as the first one, and I think that there's one more book in the series, so of course, I'll have to finish that. And right now I'm reading a really good book by an author I've never read before, and it's called the Intended Victim, and it's by an author named Alexandra Ivey, and this book is about a serial killer and he has an intended victim hence the name of the book that he is after, and so what he does is he finds other people that resemble her appearance and then he performs operations on them to look even more like her, and so, yeah, I'm not done with it, but it's good, it's good. What are you playing? What's on your gaming radar?

Speaker 1 12:17

Okay, what? What's on my gaming radar?

Speaker 2 12:22

Yeah, what are you gaming right now? What's the game? You're playing? The same one as last time or something different.

Speaker 1 12:26

Literally the same thing. What are you?

Speaker 2 12:27

playing what's it?

Speaker 1 12:29

called. I don't even know what I'm playing anymore. I'm going to be honest. I just play whatever someone wants to play.

Speaker 2 12:37

Did you play any video games today?

Speaker 1 12:39

Nope, not yet.

Speaker 2 12:40

What were you and Logan doing?

Speaker 1 12:42

I don't even know. Logan was playing Buck Charlotte oh on the PC. Yeah, and you were, and I was just watching him play oh okay, all right, so something exciting happened, uh-oh. I'm scared.

Speaker 2 12:57

Our Magic Minds subscription showed up yesterday just on time, and today, you know, I bring some to work. I told, told you before. I keep it in my car, in my desk at work, in the fridge, at home, everywhere in my purse, because sometimes I just need that little pick me up and by little.

Speaker 1 13:14

I mean a big boost.

Magic Mind Sponsorship

Speaker 2 13:16

So our subscription showed up today. So I'm super happy that I can refill all my places today. I really needed that boost at about 230. So I just whipped out my mental performance shot and instant I swear instantly felt better. And one of my coworkers she was like I can't wake up, I'm so tired. I'm like do you want some Magic Mind? And she's like I feel bad. And I said, well, you should feel bad, quit taking it from me and buy your own. You should feel bad, quit taking it from me and buy your own, because right now you can use our code and receive 20% off on a one-time purchase, or up to 48% off with a subscription. Now, let me tell you that is less than $4 for one bottle. And you can use our code OOBB for On Our Best Behavior, lt20, to receive the discount.

Speaker 2 14:09

And let me tell you one of the things that I have really grown to love about Magic Mind is usually, if I need a pick-me-up like that's, I'm going to go next door to the coffee shop and get a coffee. It's $7. Sometimes it tastes good, sometimes it doesn't, and I have to like make time to go over there. How many? It's like a shot, so it's like maybe two, three ounces, I don't even know. Anyway, it's quick, it tastes I don't want to say it tastes good, but it doesn't taste bad and it's cheaper than a coffee and it's instant, like if you are a seen as believing person, like I'm telling you people, see me, do it, take the mental performance shot and bam, like I am a different person. And so I'm telling you, I mean, if you know me, duh, and if you don't know me, you should. And you should really listen to me and check out Magic Mind, at least look it up.

Speaker 2 15:06

There's 100% money back guarantee if you don't like it, because you will like it and you will see how much it works. So Magic Mind is also really great for a variety of creators, including myself, content creators, including gamers like Mackie, writers, artists and even us shift workers. I mean, I typically need my magic mind at my normal nine to five job, so, and I feel like it doesn't like make you stay up late at night, Like it doesn't keep me awake, Like sometimes if people have caffeine, they'll have a hard time falling asleep, but not with magic mind.

Speaker 2 15:49

And it has one of my favorite ingredients, turmeric, which is the cancer stopper. A lot of people take turmeric. It has so many benefits. It's an anti-inflammatory, an antioxidant and it is effective in treating arthritis, which I'm pretty sure I'm going to have someday. Depression, which I already have, and I do take meds for that.

Speaker 1 16:10

But this also gives me like a boost up out of that. Huh, you have depression right now.

Speaker 2 16:15

Well, I'm not saying like I'm in a depressed state, but I take medication so that that doesn't happen.

Speaker 4 16:21

What I take a medicine every day.

Speaker 2 16:23

Yeah, so that my depression doesn't like dip off and I get super sad and you know all right yeah you know you know, and it also turmeric also is effective in treating heart disease which runs in our family. So anyway, there's nothing bad that we can say about magic mind Do you have any? Do you have any magic mind stories?

Speaker 6 16:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2 16:50

Let's hear it. So I come on, man, I didn't do nothing.

Speaker 1 16:54

No, I'm kidding Like bro didn't do nothing. I'm kidding Like bro. I'm really hungry, bro. What are we going to have for dinner?

Speaker 2 17:02

Okay, okay, add. Well we're going to have leftover ham oh, let's freaking go Potatoes, oh yeah, and some buns. I'm heat it up and cook it and make it really good and we'll watch a show, all right. Anyways, back to my story magic mind. Do you have a magic mind story? Yeah, I bet you. It really helped you yesterday with your e-learning, because that's hard to get motivated for.

Speaker 2 17:24

so you're like oh, it's really hard to get motivated for e-learning when I'm at home and I'm comfy in my bed, so I think I'm gonna go upstairs yeah me waking up at 12 o'clock.

Speaker 1 17:34

Takes me long to wake up, so had to drink one of those.

Weekend Easter Celebrations

Speaker 2 17:37

And then you were just like turn on your computer and in the zone Got your shit done. I did, man, that's great. Alright, so we will link the discount code in the show notes for the Magic Mind. I mean I can't say anything bad about the stuff, it's good. All right, I have a homestead update all right.

Speaker 1 18:00

What is that?

Speaker 2 18:01

I got three bunnies that are my backyard bunnies and I think that we named them today at work. Are you ready to hear their names? Yeah so they are all black polish bunnies and they all look identical. I can't tell them apart.

Speaker 1 18:15

Yeah, how are you going to name them?

Speaker 2 18:17

Trixie, pixie and Dixie.

Speaker 1 18:20

Who gave you those names?

Speaker 2 18:21

We came up with them at work today. Oh really, because we were trying to think of names, I saw your post on Instagram, did you?

Speaker 1 18:29

Is it cute, did you?

Speaker 2 18:30

like it? Did you give me a heart?

Speaker 1 18:32

I don't know.

Speaker 2 18:33

Rude, he gave you names, though he did.

Speaker 1 18:35

Yeah, he gave me my name. Oh, I didn't see it. I'll have to look on there.

Speaker 2 18:37

I don't remember what he said, so if you want to see the bunnies, make sure you follow me on Instagram at crazy beautiful Kelly and you can see the cute bunnies. Special K in the house.

Speaker 1 18:48

Whoop.

Speaker 2 18:50

And then the chicken babies. They're actually outside right now. I've been bringing them outside at night because it's been warmer outside here in Minnesota.

Speaker 2 18:59

And they love it, like last night. It was really hard for me to gather them all to bring them back inside to keep them warm at night, but hopefully they're getting close to being able to stay outside and live outside, so that's been exciting. It's fun to watch them. I tried to put the bunnies and the baby chickens together but the baby chickens were scared, except for Skye she's like the bigger one.

Speaker 3 19:18

And she kind of got puffy.

Speaker 1 19:20

I know she's trying to protect her flock, but then she got scared.

Speaker 2 19:22

Yeah, her babies, because she's bigger, so she's like the mama. Yeah, and the other ones are her babies. She Did you do anything fun this past weekend?

Speaker 1 19:32

Not really.

Speaker 2 19:33

I did so. I got my bunnies on Friday, and then on Saturday it was Emmy's birthday. And so for her birthday she wanted to go to a bunch of bookstores that we hadn't been to, that were like kind of in uptown North Loop area and two antique stores. And then we went to Red Cow for lunch and I had this really great grilled cheese sandwich and it had barbecue chips on it, and then it came with this really really good tomato basil soup, which you're making me hungry and then it was brought.

Speaker 2 20:05

They still had like brunch going on when we were there for lunchtime and they brought out these hot brush mini donuts and like they touched your like mouth and they just like melted they were.

Speaker 1 20:17

So good, you know it sounds good. What freaking you make. You warm up that ham and you freaking make like you don't like make scrambled eggs, you just make like egg you want like ham and eggs.

Speaker 2 20:28

Yeah, that sounds like great on a sandwich, not scrambled though, just like. Oh, you want the egg on there, let it cook.

Speaker 1 20:32

You want like a fried egg on there and let it cook.

Speaker 2 20:35

You want like a fried egg sandwich?

Speaker 1 20:36

with ham. Oh my God, that sounds freaking bomb.

Speaker 2 20:39

I'll make that Holy crap. And so we did that. Oh, I had a drink, you guys, I had a espresso martini, one of my favorite drinks. I don't really like drinking anymore, but I will always have a chocolate martini or espresso martini, my favorite. Okay, then emily and I came and picked you up and we went to her parents house for dinner and we had like a smorgasbord of appetizers and that was good. I was so full. On saturday I ate so much food, cope yep, I did too.

Speaker 1 21:15

What was your favorite thing? That thing with the pepper, oh, the taco pepper. Oh, so freaking good, that's just bomb you can't for me.

Speaker 2 21:24

I love a italian pasta salad and they had that. I love that. And then emily's dad made these. I really like the steak bites, the teriyaki ones. They were really good, so that's what I liked. Then it was easter the next day, yeah, and so we went over to dj nabby's for brunch and the food was super good, I thought I had like two plates of those potatoes were so good.

Speaker 1 21:46

The potatoes are actually crazy. Oh so good the texture. It was really hot at first. Oh my god, for For my time it was good.

Speaker 2 21:53

And then we came home. I put our ham in the oven. I took a nap while the ham cooked.

Speaker 1 21:59

Yeah.

Speaker 2 22:00

And then, when the ham was almost done, I made the rest. We had stuffing, mac and cheese, green bean, casserole buns and ham. Is that it? Am I forgetting anything? I think that's it, that's it, yeah, yeah. So it was super yummy, so I've been eating that all week. It's been good. Now we're going to have ham and eggs. Fried egg and ham sandwich for dinner yeah, the goop. And then Kate came over and brought us Easter baskets and she got like all the bombcom stuff in there.

Speaker 1 22:30

Yeah.

Speaker 2 22:39

Except for you were a little butthurt because you wanted the big boy girardelli caramels so big. All right, all right. So if you want to support Mackie, just send him a bunch of girardelli caramels, and he will love you forever and flake bars and arrow bars and arrow bars.

Speaker 2 22:51

I'm gonna have to bring you to that new so that, um, son son's shop, son's soda shop, is now like grandpa joe's candy store. I have to bring you there because they have flake bars, they have all the different kinds of arrow bars, they have a ton of candy there and they also have a ton of the sodas, but it's totally different. It's a way better vibe now, so we'll have to go there and then, oh and then I went to work on Monday and Wendy got me an Easter basket and she got you those Rochelle Ferreres or whatever.

Speaker 1 23:19

What are they called? Do you know how to say it? I?

Speaker 6 23:22

don't know.

Speaker 1 23:22

I don't know how to say it either I'm gonna try, but they're good and a ton of Reese's peanut butter eggs.

Speaker 2 23:30

Reese's, reese's, yeah, reese's. Okay, so thank you. I want to say thank you so much to our 102.9, the Wolf listeners. If you listen to our three-week bit of Dolly Carton on the radio, if you found us through 102.9, we're super thankful and grateful.

Speaker 2 23:48

We appreciate you that you found us and that you're listening. At the end of the podcast I'm going to put a clip from the radio show on the end so you can hear it, and that's it. Mackie, I have a, which is worse segment. You have a, would you rather? And I have a funny joke.

Speaker 1 24:06

I'm schizophrenic, did you know?

Speaker 2 24:07

that Do you know what that means?

Speaker 1 24:10

Nah, not really, I just kind of say things.

Speaker 2 24:11

No, not really, I just kind of say things Because you just went like I'm schizophrenic and that's not what a schizophrenic would do.

Speaker 1 24:15

Yeah, I know it isn't Okay. It's like when you see things and you don't.

Speaker 2 24:18

Can yes.

Speaker 1 24:19

Yeah, Can. Yeah, it's like when you yeah.

Speaker 2 24:22

It's kind of like it can be like a personality disorder. Yeah.

Speaker 1 24:25

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:29

It can be multiple things and anywhere in between the lowest level for me okay yeah, schizophrenia you have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia, only ad and adhd in every single possibly kind they. They said it was going to take two days to diagnose you and it took them like two hours not even all right.

Speaker 1 24:47

So what are we on now, uh?

Speaker 2 24:49

which is worse? Okay, ready, okay, yeah. Which is worse?

Speaker 1 24:51

dishes Okay ready, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 24:53

Which is worse Pina Colada Dishes or laundry?

Speaker 1 24:55

Oh, laundry Dishes Like doing every single part or just putting the laundry away.

Speaker 2 25:04

The whole process. Yeah, I don't Okay.

Speaker 1 25:07

I mean, if I don't have to hang the clothes, then sure which you don't anyway. Yeah, so then dishes.

Speaker 2 25:12

Okay, spiders or snakes which? And snakes yes. Which is worse rap music or country music?

Speaker 1 25:21

country music. That was light work huh, that was easy.

Speaker 2 25:25

Which is worse? Being too hot or too cold? Too hot, nope, too cold. Which is worse? Stubbing your toe or biting your tongue? Uh biting my tongue, agreed All right. Last one which is worse sneezing or getting the hiccups Getting?

Speaker 1 25:42

the hiccups. Yes, I hate the hiccups, just like you said.

Speaker 2 25:47

All right, what's your would you rather oh?

Speaker 1 25:50

okay, Are you ready? Yeah, Would you rather have one eye in the back of your head or when you touch something you taste?

Speaker 2 25:56

it. I'd rather have one eye in the back of my head. Easy, what would you?

Speaker 1 25:59

pick. Oh my God, what was that? A bomb?

Speaker 2 26:05

Bombcom. All right, ready for the funniest joke you've heard all day? No, this one might be inappropriate for kids, or you just might have a lot of explaining to do after so use your discretion. If you want to turn your radio off, ready.

Speaker 1 26:20

No.

Speaker 2 26:21

How about now?

Speaker 1 26:23

No as in yes.

Speaker 2 26:24

Okay, what does no as in yes even mean?

Speaker 1 26:27

I don't know. It just means what. It means. All right, trust, okay.

Speaker 2 26:31

So you're listening. Yeah, what does a robot do after a one-night stand? He nuts and bolts. That made no sense. He yeah, I know what you meant. And then he bolts. He runs like, gets out of there and robots are made of nuts and bolts. That's why it's funny he nuts and he bolts. Yeah, because yeah they're made of nuts and bolts. Okay, I see, are you laughing?

Speaker 1 26:54

now I'm not laughing because I didn't understand it. But I see, hey, don't flick me, I just don't. Yeah, because they're made of nuts and bolts.

Speaker 3 26:59

Okay, I see.

Speaker 1 27:00

Are you laughing now? I'm not laughing because I didn't understand it, but I see, hey, don't flick me, I didn't understand it All right.

Speaker 2 27:07

Thank you so much for listening to another episode of On.

Speaker 1 27:11

Our Best Behavior On Our Cool Cat.

Speaker 2 27:13

All you cool cats and kittens.

Speaker 1 27:15

Thanks for listening to another episode To another episode of Cool Ass Cats.

Speaker 2 27:20

On Our best behavior. Make sure you tell all your friends that your favorite podcast is on our best behavior. If you guys want to display the sweetest sticker on your water bottle your car, your laptop or your business. Hit us up and we will mail you out a free sticker and it says Cool Cats on it. And I forgot what else. Us up and we will mail you out a free sticker and it says cool cats on it. And and what I forgot what else I was gonna say must have been a lie.

Speaker 2 27:48

Stay tuned because I'm gonna play the clip from Dolly Carton from 102.9 the wolf. We'll see you guys next week. Bye, last thing I always want to tell you.

Which Is Worse Game

Speaker 1 28:00

I love you. Oh, mama, I love you too everything.

Speaker 7 28:05

Country 102.9 the wolf. All right. Sun up means, uh, sundown for dolly, our, our adopted chicken maybe we don't know yet and uh, she could have laid two eggs yesterday. We'll be going live to farmington, uh, when we check in with Kelly, our hen mother. We've been given a chicken and his chicken mission was to lay 18 eggs by the 18th. Well, today's the 18th and Dolly has only laid 16.

Speaker 8 28:30

I feel like you're just manifesting this. You're giving all these negative aura, negative vibes. She's being realistic, PT. Well, I realize that, but I'm an optimist man. I'm trying to believe in Dolly, I'm believing in her. You barely go to church. I go to church every Sunday almost man. It's a little too late for you All right, let's find what Brooke says. Brooke.

Speaker 7 28:50

Eggston Brooke, eggston, our Thunder and PT KMNB chicken correspondent live this morning from Farmington Brooke.

Speaker 3 28:59

What can you tell us? I'm here in Farmington where the candlelight vigil for Dolly the chicken is reaching a critical moment. As of now, she's laid just 16 eggs too short of the 18 needed to avoid her nuggety fate. Supporters are gathered, some wrapped in blankets, some wrapped in emotion. There's a quiet hope in the air, punctuated only by the occasional clock from inside the coop. One young girl just whispered Come on, dolly, you can do it, but time is running out. Will Dolly beat the odds or become part of a value meal? We'll find out soon. Reporting live from just outside Cluck Row in Farmington. I'm Brooke Eggston. Kmmb News. Back to you guys.

Speaker 7 29:40

Don't sound so happy, Brooke. Hey, maybe she's on your team.

Speaker 8 29:43

She's on Team Nuggets, it sounds like. Well, that's possible, that is possible.

Speaker 7 29:46

All right, we are three minutes away from finding out Golly's fate, oh man, and we will get the final egg total inside the coop next, in three minutes.

Speaker 5 29:57

Last night, no way more than last night.

Speaker 6 30:03

Good morning.

Speaker 8 30:06

I don't like that tone of her voice. To be honest, Well, why would you?

Speaker 7 30:10

I mean, it's impossible. All right, kelly, welcome to the show. Today's the big day, d-day for Dolly, and you don't sound too excited.

Speaker 2 30:22

No.

Speaker 7 30:24

Oh, no Well, first of all, I just want to say what a great job you've done with Dolly An amazing job, not good enough. Well, listen, you can't blame yourself. You know we all want to blame ourselves. What could we have done differently, you know, could you have fed her some more? You know, held her a little more, played different music.

Speaker 8 30:43

Yeah, the regret kind of fits in a little bit right now.

Speaker 2 30:48

Coulda woulda shoulda.

Speaker 7 30:49

Yeah, coulda, woulda, shoulda. Alright, I'll get out the drumroll here and let's see where we're at. I don't even know if we need it at this point in time. 18, Odyssey Farms gave us a chicken. They said we don't want it back. Dispose of Dolly. In fact, I've got the email right here. Do you have the contract? As of this morning, hen number 739, also known as Dolly, has produced. How many eggs do we have officially?

Speaker 2 31:14

17.

Speaker 7 31:15

17.

Speaker 8 31:15

All right, that's close I mean that's what is the clauses when it comes to like okay.

Speaker 7 31:23

If it's the morning, then we have to. I'm reading it, Callie. Callie Required 18 under the 2025 spring layer initiative for section 4.2 of the egg output compliance protocol. All hen failing to be quoted by 7 am, Central Daylight Time on April 18th shall be humanely retired from active duty and turned into chicken nuggets. Please prepare Dolly for reassignment to the protein division of Odyssey Farms. Okay, so have you sharpened the knives up, hey Kelly? No, I think I'm going to take Dolly to work with me. No.

Speaker 8 31:55

Kelly, we had an agreement. No, Kelly, are you sure you've looked around? There's no other random brown eggs, because we know she lays brown eggs Like there's no other randoms that are sitting around there at all. Are you okay? What Are you okay? I'm nervous right now.

Speaker 6 32:11

I'm nervous, I'm sad for Naui's life.

Speaker 7 32:13

Let's just do that.

Speaker 8 32:14

Wait, what is this? There's a message coming in on a separate secure line right now.

Speaker 7 32:19

What message?

Speaker 8 32:21

Look at that line over there there's a separate. Can you hit that?

Speaker 4 32:23

Attention citizens of the Wolf Nation, thunder and PT. This is former Navy SEAL wrestling icon, icon, movie star and, yes, former governor of the state of minnesota frankly, the greatest governor the state has ever known. I've just been made aware of a grave injustice happening on your morning show. You're threatening to turn dolly the chicken into nuggets if she didn't lay 18 eggs by april. 18th right, which, of course, is today. Well, let me tell you something I didn't fight in the jungles of vietnam just so innocent chickens could be egg shamed on the radio. As a former governor, I still receive a limited number of ceremonial pardons each year. Really, it's in the fine print. No, I wrote it myself. Okay, see, and today I'm using one of those sacred pardons for Dolly yes, no, no, no.

Speaker 6 33:25

No, you're done. Yes, no guys.

Speaker 5 33:27

Yes.

Outro and Dolly Carton Radio Clip

Speaker 7 33:28

Guys, that's not good enough. It's not good enough. Also please not good enough. That's not good enough. Also, please lower our tabs. Yes, our tabs.

Speaker 8 33:36

Kelly. Kelly's getting greedy she wants tabs to be lowered too, from the former cover.

Speaker 7 33:41

I will say this I will say this I'm going to take it one step. I'm going to go, I'm going to give Dolly a reprieve for five, five, three minutes, three minutes, and I'm going to see, if anything, any other calls come in in the next three minutes.

Speaker 2 33:58

Call now. Call now, if it really matters.

Speaker 7 34:00

Well, better be big. Better be bigger than that one right there, that's for sure. I'll give Dolly three more minutes and then that's it.

Speaker 8 34:09

Perfect, that's all we can ask for Stay in Hang tight, hang tight.

Speaker 7 34:13

Full moon shining bright.

Speaker 4 34:16

Non-stop nonsense with Thunder and PT on the Wolf.

Speaker 7 34:20

All right if you're just joining us. We asked for a bigger name than the former governor, who thought he could still pardon Dolly, our adopted chicken. She's got to lay 18 eggs by the 18th.

Speaker 2 34:32

She didn't do it, she's got to lay 18 eggs by the 18th she didn't do it.

Speaker 7 34:37

She's at what? 17, right, kelly. 17. Kelly's been watching over Dolly Today.

Speaker 8 34:39

it's the fryer, I just feel like what if she's in line right now, like ready to lay an egg? You know what I mean it's too late, 7 o'clock.

Speaker 5 34:45

You heard the memo.

Speaker 7 34:47

I know, hold tight, this will. This is probably the definitive, this is probably the definitive voice in the matter. Yes, sir.

Speaker 5 34:59

Look, I've seen what's going on with Dolly the chicken. Everybody's talking about it. She was supposed to lay 18 eggs by April 18th. That was the deal. It was real simple and she didn't do it. She didn't even come close. She laid what? 12, maybe 13? Not even close. Truly sad. It was real simple and she didn't do it. She didn't even come close. She laid what? 12, maybe 13? Not even close. Truly sad, it's very sad. So I'm here to say no pardon, no pardoning Dolly. We don't reward failure. If she had laid the eggs beautiful eggs, the best eggs I would have considered it. But no, she didn't do it. Well, so she's done. But I know some people are saying but sir, she tried. Well, a lot of chickens try, but only winners get pardoned. As to thanksgiving day, turkey, I gave him a pardon. He earned it. Dolly not so much so that's it.

Speaker 8 35:44

Then you're saying it's over. Would you any chance you'd reconsider?

Speaker 5 35:48

well, look, I'm a very fair person, everybody knows this, the fairest. But we gave Dolly every opportunity. We set the bar very low. Just 18 eggs. That's nothing. My farmers tell me chickens in China, elaine, 25 a week, total domination. But Dolly nah, she got distracted, pecking around, probably watching too much Netflix, maybe hanging out with a rooster, who knows? I don't know. So no, I will not reconsider. We're not running a chicken daycare. We need productivity, we need eggs. No excuses. She had one job, folks, and now she's nugget material. It's a tough world out there, especially in the coop.

Speaker 7 36:24

All right, there it is. Oh no, that's the final decision. Let's sharpen the knives. We're coming back. That's ridiculous. We're sharpening the knives oh gosh. And Dolly goes into the deep fryer next On the. Wolf in three minutes. Here we go.

Speaker 4 36:45

Back to everything country with Thunder and PT 102.9 the Wolf.

Speaker 7 36:51

All right, well, you heard it here from the top. No pardon for Dolly, there's a line right now.

Speaker 8 36:59

This line has never rang before. Sharpen the knives, Kelly. Here we go no way. Before you do this, there's a line over there. It's direct to Nashville. It's never rang before. I have no idea what it is, but it's ringing right now. Can you grab that message?

Speaker 7 37:15

Maybe it could be someone bigger than the person we just heard from Listen. It's 7 o'clock. You heard the memo from corporate. But you've got to check this message see what it is see who it is. All right, Kelly, can you give us one second here while we check this?

Speaker 3 37:29

Of course, are you still there?

Speaker 8 37:30

It's going to save Dolly's life.

Speaker 7 37:31

It might. This, of course. Are you still there? Okay, dolly's life? Yeah, it might. You know it's important. By the way, we're getting a couple of tech you'll you'll have to actually boil dolly first after you chop her head off. And stay here, folks, because that's going to happen live on the radio. No, in about 60 seconds, but we'll check this message first.

Speaker 6 37:46

Hold tight well, hi there, thunder andT. It's Dolly here. I just love your show 109.2, the Wolf, and I know that it's such a fine day to be celebrating love and life and saving a very special chicken. Well, today we gather around to do something very special. We take one little lucky clucker and give her a second chance at sweet life, scratching in the dirt without a care in the world. Well, this here's Dolly, an agency of beauty, a strong, independent girl with dreams bigger than the barnyard. Now, in the spirit of compassion, country music and all things fabulous, I, dolly Parton, do hereby grant a full and unconditional pardon to Miss Dolly Parton. What do you think of that? We were dazed to feel the sunshine, just passing, gossiping with the other chicks and certainly not working nine to five, whatever.

Speaker 6 38:46

You know, I gotta send my love and make sure this is a reminder to all of us. Life's too short not to sing your songs, shake your tail feathers and show a little mercy now and then. Okay, that's awesome.

Speaker 7 39:08

Okay, thank you, Dolly. Thank you, Dolly. Okay, we've got to wrap it up, Dolly.

Speaker 6 39:11

It's enough to drive you crazy. Okay, we've got to wrap it up, Dolly. We love you Dolly Okay Thunder and PT and.

Speaker 7 39:20

Dolly Barton. All right, dolly, you guys win.

Speaker 8 39:24

We saved that day Dolly Kelly. She's alive.

Speaker 7 39:28

Oh my All right, that's amazing. Dolly lives Whatever.

Speaker 2 39:35

Well, that is some good news for Dolly when you go to Popeye's, it sounds like Trump is popping up those tariffs, so I don't know how much a Chinese chicken is going to cost.

Speaker 8 39:44

Well, we know, it was like $30. It was $30 yesterday. Who knows what it will be today. Oh man Kelly thank you.

Speaker 7 39:55

You've done a great job taking care of Dolly, and would you mind just holding on to her?

Speaker 8 39:58

Yes, For the next, you know, decade or so.

Speaker 7 40:01

For the rest of her life and we never want to hear from Dolly again.

Speaker 3 40:07

Like ever again Ever. The best radio prize I've ever won.

Speaker 7 40:12

You get a chicken.

Speaker 8 40:13

You get a chicken. You get a chicken.

Speaker 7 40:15

Kelly, we love you and make sure you check out Kelly's podcast with her son McCoy on our Best Behavior.

Speaker 8 40:21

Wherever you get your podcasts, we might even put back a play of Dolly and some other guests on our podcast, the Thunder, and PT Repeat you got any other chickens or hens?

Speaker 7 40:31

down there that aren't delivering, that we can fry up still, because I'm starving.

Speaker 5 40:35

Hell, no, all right.

Speaker 7 40:37

Thank you, kelly, we love you, kelly, have a great day. Bye, all right. Some fine news for everybody, I think. Let's keep it rolling 90 minutes more fun, more chicken and more country on the Wolf.