Prepare yourself for an emotional journey as we welcome our guest, Carrie, who takes us on a trip through her life, from her roots in Brainerd, Minnesota to her current residence in Rogers, Minnesota. We traverse through her personal story of growth, love, and loss in a conversation that is as raw as it is cathartic. Carrie, a lover of hiking, boating, and her husband Eric, opens up about her passion for patient care, her close-knit family ties, and her future plans of becoming an RN.
Our conversation ventures through various landscapes, from the vibrancy of Austin's music scene to the challenges of moving and growing up in a non-traditional family. It's not all heavy though, as we find solace in shared experiences and lighten the mood with stories of Tinder dates during the pandemic and a hilarious take on lactose intolerance. Carrie's resilience shines through as she shares her experience navigating through the heartbreaking moments leading up to her mother's death due to lung cancer.
In the final part of our conversation, we dive deep into the impact of loss and grieving. We reflect on the profound effect of caring for a sick parent and the emotional choices that come with it. Our conversation takes a turn as we discuss the sudden death of a mother due to severe alcoholism and the challenges faced due to COVID restrictions. Lastly, Carrie and I share the therapeutic power of our podcast discussions, which serve as a testament to the healing power of sharing our stories. Join us in this intimate, emotional exploration of life, love, and loss.
Prepare yourself for an emotional journey as we welcome our guest, Carrie, who takes us on a trip through her life, from her roots in Brainerd, Minnesota to her current residence in Rogers, Minnesota. We traverse through her personal story of growth, love, and loss in a conversation that is as raw as it is cathartic. Carrie, a lover of hiking, boating, and her husband Eric, opens up about her passion for patient care, her close-knit family ties, and her future plans of becoming an RN.
Our conversation ventures through various landscapes, from the vibrancy of Austin's music scene to the challenges of moving and growing up in a non-traditional family. It's not all heavy though, as we find solace in shared experiences and lighten the mood with stories of Tinder dates during the pandemic and a hilarious take on lactose intolerance. Carrie's resilience shines through as she shares her experience navigating through the heartbreaking moments leading up to her mother's death due to lung cancer.
In the final part of our conversation, we dive deep into the impact of loss and grieving. We reflect on the profound effect of caring for a sick parent and the emotional choices that come with it. Our conversation takes a turn as we discuss the sudden death of a mother due to severe alcoholism and the challenges faced due to COVID restrictions. Lastly, Carrie and I share the therapeutic power of our podcast discussions, which serve as a testament to the healing power of sharing our stories. Join us in this intimate, emotional exploration of life, love, and loss.
Hey, you're listening to another episode of On Our Best Behavior and today you have just me. It's actually a Saturday night and McCoy is out on the town and, of course, I'm just home alone. So today I have a very special guest for you and I'm going to introduce her. Today I have Carrie Hi, carrie Hi, how are you Doing?
Speaker 2:good, how are you?
Speaker 1:I'm good. It took us a little bit to figure this out, but here we are.
Speaker 2:Technology is not my strong suit.
Speaker 1:Either. We're a match made in heaven. Yes, we are All right. So, carrie, tell us about who you are, what you do, what you like, who you love. Give us your story.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I don't know how interesting it is, but I'll give it a whirl. My name's Carrie, I'm 28 years old and I work as a medical assistant. I love hiking summer boating lakes, just overall, not a winter gal.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:But yeah, Erica, my husband and I we like to hike a lot. We actually got engaged in Glacier National Park. My friends refer to him as Eric the best. And then I also love my Luna, who's currently napping on my lap as I speak.
Speaker 1:She's so cute. Yeah, luna is Carrie's dog and she's the cutest little thing and she's just a little puppy. She's a little puppy, isn't?
Speaker 2:she, yeah, yeah, six months old.
Speaker 1:No, I can't believe that that much time has gone by already.
Speaker 2:I know, I know Now I can't imagine life without her.
Speaker 1:Isn't that funny, Like sometimes you you don't even know what you're missing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, love, I forgot to answer that part. Well, I said Eric and Luna, obviously. Yeah, I love my family. And then I'm very close with my sister and brother. My sister is 15 years older than me, my brother is 13 years older than me, but we're all still very close. They live in nearby cities and my in-laws in Texas love them dearly too.
Speaker 1:So where are you originally from?
Speaker 2:I am from Brainerd, Minnesota. My parents owned a bar up near Cross Lake.
Speaker 1:Is that where you got your love for the water and the lake?
Speaker 2:Maybe I don't know. My mom said, growing up like she's like I've never seen someone that needed to take baths as much as you.
Speaker 1:Like I just love being in the water.
Speaker 2:That's so cute.
Speaker 1:I know you told me one time you're like I'm a fish. I could live in the water if someone would let me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people at work. My nickname is Dory, but that has far too little glass. I forgot about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it has dual meanings. Maybe. Maybe you'll pick up on that as we go here. Yeah, so where do you?
Speaker 2:live now? We are living in Rogers, minnesota. We just bought a house, actually about a little over a month ago, and so we're getting settled in here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you. So I think this is super interesting because when I met you, you told me that you lived in Austin, texas, for a minute and I had actually, at the time when we met, had been there recently. I think it's just the cutest little town. I mean it's not really little, but the little blueberry of Texas. So tell us about that.
Speaker 2:Gosh, yeah. So the guy I was dating at the time this was I was still living in Minnesota and so was the guy I was dating and he wanted to pursue like script writing and film and the University of Texas at Austin has like an amazing film program, Like it's the one that Matthew McConaughey teaches at. So anyway, we did long distance for a little bit because he had like set plans to move with his brother. And then I was kind of at a point in my life at 21 years old where I was like you know nothing really for me here, and so I was like I'm going to move to Austin, which was so fun. Obviously that relationship didn't end up working out, but I made some of my best of friends down there and I discovered like my love for patient care, to working as a medical assistant. I actually started in ophthalmology, slowly but surely, was working towards my RN degree, which I'm not completely giving up on yet. Okay, yeah, but Austin's great. You've been to Rainey Street, right? Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:I know it was such a fun place to live as a 21 year old because I lived there from like 21 to 24.
Speaker 1:So, oh, it was a while longer than I thought.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, three years.
Speaker 1:So did you go to Rainey Street and party often?
Speaker 2:Often all the time. Yeah, did you really yes?
Speaker 1:I've only been there one time and it was with my kids, so it was pretty low key for us, but it was really fun to see, like all the other people, having a really really good time. We had a good time, just in a different way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have this bar on Rainey Street. It was by far my favorite, called Unbar Leaveable, and they have a slide that you can like. I saw that, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's cool. I loved it because, like so if you've never been put it on your list, but it's like an old I want to say correct me if I'm wrong it's like an old neighborhood with old houses, but instead of like tearing everything down, they just like left up the houses and made them into like bars and whatnot, and it's like you go from like one house to the next and you can just hear like it's almost like they're having a music competition of who can blast their music the loudest 100%. I loved that.
Speaker 2:Well, and it kind of makes me sad. So back, my mom actually took my sister to 6th Street for surprised her for her, my sister's 21st birthday. So, mind you, she's 43 now. So this is like 20 years ago Like 6th Street was live music every single bar it was, so it was just such a scene and such a fun time. But I think over the years it's kind of turned more like clubby and just the live music appreciation. I guess maybe just isn't there as much.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's more of oh no, nashville's Tennessee, not Texas, my bad.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, but I think Nashville is kind of probably the better scene for live music now. Maybe 20 years ago it was Austin. But yeah, I'm not trying like Austin's still amazing. 100% you should go, it's super fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Have you been to Nashville? No, no, neither I haven't been there either.
Speaker 2:Do you like?
Speaker 1:Nashville. Nope, I hate it.
Speaker 2:Oh well, I don't know if you love Nashville, though.
Speaker 1:I don't think. I don't think I would. So that's probably why it's not on my like hurry up and go there list. But I don't heard. I've had some friends that went there and they're like it's super expensive, it's super overpriced, Everything costs a ton of money and, yes, there's a lot of live music.
Speaker 2:Yes, a lot of country. You gotta get your cowboy boots out. Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1:I'm more of a white girl rap. I know this might be hard to envision, but it helps me get my rage out. I feel more badass.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying? Every genre minus like stream on heart, like metal, yeah, please, I like rap, I like everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I, low key, really good at remembering lyrics. I may not have the best memory, as you know, my nickname is Dory, but for some reason lyrics really stick in my head.
Speaker 1:Your nickname isn't Dory because of your memory, it's because of your attention span.
Speaker 2:Oh, is that it?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, and you love the water. Now you know yes.
Speaker 2:But everything All right.
Speaker 1:So tell me about your childhood, tell me about your relationship with your parents, your siblings. What did growing up for Carrie look like?
Speaker 2:I mean, no one has a normal family these days, right?
Speaker 1:Right. So you know, people think that we grow up normal and then, once we're adults, we're like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:I think I've always known I didn't grow up normal. You're ahead of me, yeah. Yeah, I sort of grew up like an only child because of my siblings being 15 and 13 years older than me. We all share the same mom, but they have a different dad than me. When we lived in Cross Lake, they visited frequently and spent the summers up there, but they did finish out grade school like 12th grade after dads and Champlin and then would come up to Cross Lake every other weekend and, like I said, all summer. And then my parents divorced when I was in third grade and I was devastated to leave up north. I loved living up there, but once I got settled in St Michael, which is where my mom and I moved to, because this is just where family was all closer to I really did come to like it, made really good friends and then so I finished out school, moved to St Michael in third grade and I graduated from St Michael Oberbils.
Speaker 1:And you were devastated because wasn't it true that when your parents divorced, like they had just bought in, like this lake house or something that you had wanted for? I mean, you're only in third grade, but you wanted it for your whole life and you still want it?
Speaker 2:If they're like a year and a half. I was so sad my mom, like, designed this house. They built it themselves and the bar was just really successful. So, yeah, they built this dream house on a lake and then, like a year later, they're like oh sorry, we're going to get divorced and sell the house. So that was hard. I was on a lake and, like I said, those were my friends, so it's just a hard thing for a third grader to go through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and moving from Brainerd to St Michael, you said that's two worlds apart. When you're young and you can't drive, I mean, it's far even if you can drive.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and like back then I mean Brainerd and up North, like it's grown a lot now I think a lot more people are kind of moving out of the city, but it was pretty small town and St Michael was. I remember I think I was probably around third grade the first time I went to a mall with an escalator and I was like mind blown by the escalator.
Speaker 1:The mall is great. It's one level. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. You never think of both, about the things that you don't know. So, right, right, are you a Zorba's fan? Yeah, sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:See, I love, I love going to Zorba's because it's like right on the lake In that part. I mean I know there's, I know there's more than one, but a lot of them are like right on the lake and the food isn't really that good, but I just love the like vibing because we don't have one around here. It's like let's go to Zorba's whenever we're there.
Speaker 2:Trust me, I go all the time. I think it's just the food for me. Every time I look at the menu I'm like I just don't think any of this looks good.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I don't have the best food here, Like I have that location.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's one in Alexandria too, and we were there for a basketball tournament a few years ago and I'm like, oh my gosh, let's get Zorba's and Justin's. Like you know, the food's not good and we're not at the lake, but that lake, oh, what's? The middle of winter during basketball season? Yeah yeah, we're going to get it delivered. We weren't even going to go there. So that's why he's like I don't think that's a good idea, because you're not getting anything you like about Zorba's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I would, I would agree with him there for sure. Yeah, and you know my, you know my parents divorced. My dad and I we kind of lost touch. I don't think he knew how to like communicate with a preteen slash teenager and he wasn't the best. I mean, a lot of dads, you know, they have a limited capability. But then we have reconnected in later years and, oh my gosh, I wish, I wish you could hear the speech that he gave at my wedding. It was, he gave amazing speech and you know, I know he loves me to his, to him, how much he can. And yeah, so it's been good. And what else is I going to say? Oh, just yeah. So we didn't really talk much throughout my teen years. My mom was sick a lot growing up but she finished her LPN degree. So my mom and dad on the bar and then on the side she was working on her LPN degree. So I think she was between school and work, just like and taking care of me. I'm not quite sure how she was functioning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, autopilot.
Speaker 2:Yeah for sure, but she did it. She did the dang thing and she worked as a nurse most of my childhood years but then, unfortunately, due to her health circumstances, she had to leave the nursing field by the time I was around like 15, which was super hard for her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she worked so hard to get there and it took her a long time and then it was short-lived yeah.
Speaker 2:It was, unfortunately. We'll talk more about her, I'm sure. But as far as me, I played softball. I danced competitively. You know, after my parents got divorced, finances were a little tight with a single mom, so I helped or I would clean the dance studio like weekly to help pay for it. And yeah, like I said, my siblings and I are just super close. I do feel really lucky to have a family I have, even though it's not normal. We're full of love and we're full of acts of service. We just do a lot for each other.
Speaker 1:For love language.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, they were so helpful moving us into the new house and they've just always been there for me. So good family yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it's amazing that you are that far apart in age and still have that close of a relationship.
Speaker 2:There was that age gap time when I was, like you know, teenager earlier years, where it did feel like they were more my parents than my siblings. But now that I'm 28, it's we definitely feel more like siblings again, which has been really fun for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I grew up the opposite. I'm older than my siblings seven and eight years and I felt like an only child for a very long time. And then I feel like, when they came into their own teenage years, like I was out of the house, I was doing my own thing, and they have so much stories and memories that I don't know about. And so sometimes it's interesting when we get together and they'll be like oh, do you remember when? And I'm like I don't remember that at all. And then same thing like all have stories that they don't know, so it's kind of fun to share those now.
Speaker 2:Oh, my sister, like she was at the hospital when I was born and she was 15. So they're like, yeah, 15. So she like that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really embedded in her mind, like she can probably remember that well.
Speaker 2:I think about the age gap. So when I lived up north she took me to Target and I really wanted a toy. I was like a toddler and I started crying and throwing a fit because she said no in the Target aisle and I said, please, mom, and so everyone no. Mom and she was just like I'm not your mom. People were probably like WTF.
Speaker 1:That's the yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not going to even go there, but yeah, I can see that All right. So, eric, the best I you know. I don't really know Eric, but I know a lot of Eric's stories and I just think that I'm like gosh, gary, you got so lucky to meet him, so when did you meet him? How did you meet him? How did you guys end up living happily ever after I?
Speaker 2:know, here we are. We met November 2020 on the infamous Tinder In COVID, during COVID yeah, so it was November 2020, like the height of COVID. Our first date was at his apartment in uptown. We ordered in Red Cow and he introduced me to gelato ice cream. So Do you love it. I love it now, yeah, like the cookies in cream flavor gelato. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:I don't like the texture of gelato. You don't, no?
Speaker 2:You know I had the grocery store, though that's like the little gelato, I'm sure you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you ever tried that kind? No, I've just tried it like at restaurants.
Speaker 2:Oh no, get it at the. I'm talking. This is like grocery store bought gelato, oh OK. Ok, it's different.
Speaker 1:The texture is different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to send you a picture of what to buy after this podcast and you're going to go buy it tonight and have some.
Speaker 1:Have you been to Cosettas in St Paul?
Speaker 2:I haven't.
Speaker 1:OK, because they have like a, they do like a. They have a gelato case and like a bakery case or whatever, but In place, right yeah. I just feel like people think like that's the best gelato and I just don't like it.
Speaker 2:OK, so you're just like not sure you want to try any other gelato.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like unpopular opinion. Give me the, give me the ice cream.
Speaker 2:Fair enough. Well, and it is said, said lactose intolerant.
Speaker 1:OK, yeah.
Speaker 2:So we try to not eat ice cream. But I'm also like not a very good influence a lot of times, so I carry a lot of lactate with me.
Speaker 1:Choice isn't consequences.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, but he really is the best. My best friend, kit, is the one that came up with that name, because the first time I brought him over to her house to meet, to introduce them, I think we were going to like stay the night at her house because this was again during COVID times. We were going to like have some drinks and have a sleepover at her house and he was like carrying my overnight bag up the stairs for me and she was just like he's already the best. I like barely got to know him but could just tell by his actions that he's just, he's a good guy. Well, and on one of our first days actually, we did go to the Mall of America because it was open again.
Speaker 1:We got to ride the escalator.
Speaker 2:I guess. Yes, I was like I still like to put my feet on it, like. But I remember we were walking back to the car and he was walking to my side of the car and I was like this is my side, but he was opening my door for me. I was like, oh my God, I've never had a guy open a door for me. Oh, what a gentleman he is. He is the best. Oh yeah, and then here we are.
Speaker 2:We um things kind of were went fast, the fast track for us because my mom passed in January uh, 2023. So he very much knew, like once we met, my mom had already been diagnosed with cancer and I think he was very ready to like show her us being engaged, like he knew that he wanted to be with me, but then I think he underestimated how much I would also want her to see the wedding, which I guess I didn't really realize how much I would also want. Yeah, so we got engaged June 20, 22. No, 2021. Sorry, june 2021. And we got married by that November. So we planned like a hundred person wedding with a lot of help from my amazing party planning sister, um, but yeah, we pulled it together and there was about 100 people at the Kendall's golf course in. Oh yeah, I love that place, yeah, yeah. So that's where we did our on November 6th. That was 70 degrees out.
Speaker 2:So my dream was to get married outside, which I had to let go of once. I knew we weren't going to be doing a summer wedding because my mom's oncologist was like do it by this winter if you want her there and feeling well, it's like okay. So I was just ready to be doing an indoor ceremony and then the rehearsal on Friday night. The wedding planner she was like did you see the weather for tomorrow? And I was like, no, I'm scared to look. And it was sunny and set like 65 was the high or something like that. But we had a lot of family coming from Texas, because that's where Eric is from, um, which is another funny thing. Oh, we met. But anyway, it ended up being like. It ended up being like the most perfect weather and we got to do an outdoor ceremony.
Speaker 1:So you did you did get to do it outside. I didn't know that. Okay, I did.
Speaker 2:And I mean it was, the sun was out and it was perfect outdoor pictures on on November 6th, which is just crazy Because I think literally the next day it was like 40 and rainy.
Speaker 1:So meant to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, some higher power was helping us out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys did. That was fast. You had dated for a year, you got engaged and then you got married and yeah, because it's only 2023. Right, and you met in 2020. We just had our two year anniversary. Yeah, yeah, well, no, yeah, almost a month ago now, but, um, yeah, I know because I can never remember mine and so now I know that yours is like the day before after. I think they were right, yeah, I think. Maybe I think mine's the six years is the seventh.
Speaker 2:No, I'm the sixth. Okay, and I'm the seventh.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm the fifth. I don't see, I still don't know. I just know it's somewhere in there. So much, god. I'm not. I'm not a Romeo, I'm not the romantic type. Um, justin would not want me to say this, but he's more of a lovey one than me.
Speaker 2:Honestly, eric is definitely probably a little bit more like. He'll kind of get to a part where he's like do you ever want to snuggle? I'm like, yeah, I'll snuggle, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, I love snuggling, but he's just more affectionate than me sometimes. But then we, you know, I feel like we go through phases.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm right, balance called balance yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but um, his bio thing on Tinder was between global warming and overfishing. There's no longer plenty of fish in the sea. And then the next part was just moved here. Helped me lose my Texas accent.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:As we said, I lived in Austin for three years. I had been back home in Minnesota now for about a year at this point, a little over. But um, I was like, oh, we can bond over Texas and we did, yeah, and then over lots more Okay.
Speaker 1:So the heart, the heart of this episode is when Carrie and I met for the first time, we just had this automatic like I just had this connection with you because you were struggling and we you know you have bad days, I still have bad days and um, cause you were like you know, I I just started working again, I lost my mom in January and I was like I hadn't met anyone young from when my when I lost my mom in 2020 to when I met you, and so I just felt like I kind of clung onto you and like wanted to like talk about that With somebody who wouldn't like really understand. And I think you were kind of in the same place, like once. We were like you know, you're like I lost my mom. I'm like I lost my mom and then we were just like okay, we can't work anymore because we just have to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, all about it.
Speaker 2:We did, so we also were great workers. Yeah, I mean yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:But you know, sometimes you know you have to have that. Oh, it gave me this. Yeah, you need connection and you need, you need that. So you need that socialization and you need yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm telling you, I'm like everyone, like it's just been so comforting and the connections like ours. It's made this job, it's made in my favorite top ever, yeah, and people who haven't been through what we've been through.
Speaker 1:They don't understand it, they don't know what to say about it, and so they just try to like avoid it. For sure, yeah.
Speaker 2:Especially. You know, I think off the bat, you know, you know no-transcript, it's such a blur. You just I just remember at this point, looking back like a bunch of I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And then time goes on, but like the grief is still there and so I'll be like dang, I really missed my mom today, and like I'd still the same thing is there is nothing you can say, there is no words. So that's why, like when you do find someone that has gone through it, it's such another level of comfort.
Speaker 1:Because they understand on a different level. Like people can say I'm sorry or you know, I understand. That sounds terrible, but you don't until you do.
Speaker 2:Right? No, because the people before before my mom was diagnosed like any, like cancer stories or death, like I mean. You know you feel bad, but it's a whole nother level after you go through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, yeah, so let's talk about your mom.
Speaker 2:Tell me about your mom, oh, I'm not going to tear up, you're going to tear up.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty non-emotional.
Speaker 2:If you give me a try.
Speaker 1:It will be. It will be, it will be a surprise.
Speaker 2:But then in that aspect she's the best. Her name is Peggy, she was your best friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's my person, man. As you know, she pretty much raised me on her own. We always called ourselves a team, Like, yes, my brother and sister were there throughout the years, but on the day to day, like while they were still in school and college and starting their own adult lives, like it was me and her, and, yeah, even into adulthood. Whatever life threw at us, we just like we felt like we could get through it because we knew we had each other. My relationship with her was very special. My siblings, like I said, finished out grade school with their dads, so I don't know, I just felt like my mom and I's relationship was on another level.
Speaker 2:She loved us all so much Don't get me wrong Like her kids and her grandkids were her life. She had the ability to impact people's lives Like you ignore her for five minutes and anyone she met, she just always showed love, empathy and so much compassion. She always put her kids and her grandkids before herself, which sometimes you just wanted to like shake her and be like mom, take care of yourself too. It's just funny Super hardworking. Like I said, after she left the nursing field, she actually started her own cleaning business, as if that's better on your when she has a bad back. But she always did what she had to do to support us and you know I would help her as much as you could get a stubborn teenager to help your mom clean houses. Sorry, mom, I know I could have been better.
Speaker 1:We all could be better.
Speaker 2:I know right, but my childhood, like it, might have been rocky and hard, with her health problems, but I wouldn't trade her for the world she. I think she raised me to be a great person. I like who I am as a person.
Speaker 1:I feel like I care, which is a really that's a huge accomplishment, because it takes us a long time to get there and some people never do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel comfortable in my skin, like she just she raised me with so much love, like even I feel lucky, like I know there's people out there that have moms that they don't have near the relationship that me and my mom do. So you know they might have a longer relationship with you know their mom, but I know that our relationship was better than a lot of people get ever will go through her experience. So she's a great lady. You would have loved her.
Speaker 1:I was going to say was your mom, the, the mom where, like all your friends were like your mom's the best, or everyone just loved your mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she was always in her robe.
Speaker 2:She loved being in her robe, like she was like in her robe, my friends would come over and, oh yeah, she just loved talking to my friends, and she definitely, like, tried to be more like my friend than my mom a lot growing up too, um, because I think she just felt bad for putting me through the things she did, leaving my dad and then, you know, having health problems, and mental health problems too.
Speaker 2:She really really did struggle with depression, anxiety, and I would say like, honestly, the last 10 years of her life, though, she found a great counselor, you know. She found the right depression meds and she just thrived and, um, I think she just finally found a lot of peace and happiness, and so we always talk about that, my brother and sister and I, that we're just, we're glad, because there was a lot of years of struggle for her, and so to see her truly, genuinely happy, even after her cancer diagnosis, like she was just so happy to be living and the love that she poured out to the people around her, is when you were younger, did you feel like your mom was always sick with something?
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, a little bit like she will. So like every disc in her back, but one or two was um, ruptured and she had to get infused. So she had tons of back surgery. She had rheumatoid arthritis and osteo and so she had a knee replacement. She broke her hip and this woman walked, walked around on a broken hip for like the longest time because they said it's going to heal itself. Finally she goes in like I don't know, a year later and they're like, oh, it still hasn't healed. And so they finally did a surgery to help. Like this I mean she was, she would get dental work done without any numbing stuff, like she was the toughest lady.
Speaker 2:You know, she's just like so used to pain.
Speaker 1:They're like do you want nitrous? I'm like yeah, I'll take everything. Whatever you're going to give me, I'll take it.
Speaker 2:She hated the feeling of her mouth being numb. I rather have the pain Like she's crazy.
Speaker 1:That's a tough bitch, she was a tough bitch. She's laughing right now. I know she's loving, loving this. Yeah, how about?
Speaker 2:your mom? What was your guys' relationship like?
Speaker 1:So I was going to. So I, first of all, I was going to say that, um, I love that you said your mom was like you guys were a team and she wasn't just like what I say goes. My mom was super strict with me, super strict and super protective, because same situation. So me and my brother and sister have the same mom, but they have a. They have a dad. And then I have a different dad.
Speaker 1:I never, ever, met my biological dad, but their dad I, you know my mom met him when I was like 15 or 18 months old, so I did call him dad and he was like my dad, um, but my mom was like super like, kelly is my daughter and I will raise her and what I say goes, yeah, and so if she was super strict with me and really, really hard on me, and then I feel like when I moved out of the house and and whatever, my brother and sister were still home, it was kind of like I was super jealous when I was younger, but you know, not just whatever, like I was like how come you let them do whatever they want, and I mean I couldn't do anything Like I, my mom found any reason to ground me because she thought that I would definitely get pregnant, I would definitely do drugs, I would do all the terrible things If I thought about it.
Speaker 1:I did it and so I was just grounded and I couldn't go anywhere and I hate. I mean, I hated that and I'm glad now that she was so strict, but you were her oldest baby.
Speaker 2:Like you were her first run through like raising a child and I feel like that naturally causes parents are stricter with their older ones. I feel like, is that, is that not like a?
Speaker 1:common thing? I think so, and my mom like got pregnant with me at like 18. And so I think we had a lot of people told my mom, like you're going to have an abortion right, and so I think my mom felt like she had a lot to prove For sure.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I think her at 19 and my brother at 21 and then me at 37.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's the other thing. Like I think she was, she was genuinely just getting, you know, older and she I just remember her growing up and I I was such a little shithead in high school and stuff Like she would just be like I'm too old for this, I'm too tired. I just wore her out and I you know she was an older mom and so I was almost like jealous of like the people like you that had the young mom, the young like fun mom, because my mom was like old and grandma-ish a lot of times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know if my mom was fun, but she definitely would be like you can't go anywhere, but everyone can come over here and we can have a great time. That's good. Yeah, I mean, it probably wasn't, but everyone, you know everyone liked it and thought she was fun.
Speaker 2:Oh, so your, your friends, loved your mom too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, when I was.
Speaker 2:yeah, for sure Do you think they're hanging out together right now.
Speaker 1:Maybe I wonder if they met in heaven at the same time when we met. Maybe it was just all meant to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll never know.
Speaker 1:Well, tell me, tell me when you're, tell me about when your mom got sick. What was she feeling like? How did that all? How did that all roll out?
Speaker 2:Wow, I need to sip of water before this one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you go for it. Is that vodka? It's not, it's not, it's not.
Speaker 2:I showed it on that no. Hard ass of me. I'm not quite as cool as my mom.
Speaker 1:No me either.
Speaker 2:So she was diagnosed March 2020 and I was working as an ophthalmic tech at the time and I just remember I like dropped my knees because she got the biopsy result from her she had lung cancer.
Speaker 1:Stay for it. So what made them like having problems like what made them?
Speaker 2:biopsy her lungs. The funny thing is is she's got three older brothers and they had all passed at this point and 2019 was when the last brother passed and they all died of pulmonary hypertension. So she went in to see if she had that and they were like, no, but this nodule on her lung that they had been monitoring for years, all of a sudden, I think, had changed. And so they were like we want to, you know, investigate this a little further. And so they did. They did a biopsy and I she found out she had stage four lung cancer or no, they hadn't staged it yet, they just knew it was cancer.
Speaker 2:And I left work that day obviously a wreck, and we all went to her house out in Princeton at the time, and then it was later that night that we found out that we were all being laid off work because of COVID, which was like ironic timing. But honestly it was such a blessing because I like was like good, because I can't even like think about going to work right now when I think about like how stressful COVID was. I am. I'm honestly, I'm thankful for COVID in a way, because it allowed me a lot of extra time with her, because we ended up all it was elective surgery where it worked. So it was just was not a healthcare field that kept going, like a lot of those nurses out there, but anyway. So that was that, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then the quarantine kind of happened like same time. So then I just really she decided she wanted to do chemo. She wasn't a good candidate for anything else per se no low back to me any of that but she, she did a really, really intense round of chemo the first time she did it. She lost her hair. That was God. That was a tough time shaving her head, but she was the most beautiful bald lady you've ever seen. I'm telling you, oh my gosh. And then she responded really well to chemo, which was when she was diagnosed March 2020, they said absolute best case scenario two years. And I didn't like listening to their like prognosis is all along, even though my sister and mom really hung out to them. So I really had to like fight their like negative energy about it and I tried to stay so positive and optimistic. I was once told that I smile through trauma.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I feel like if you can do that, that's a superpower.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like make jokes you know I'm the sarcastic humor when I'm going through tough stuff but she, she made it two years and 10 months. Good job, carrie, you gave her an extra 10 months. I man, it was not easy, but between my sister, me and my brother she stayed at my sister's like she was at her own place in Princeton. Then, once she started to get too sick about probably it was not long after she started chemo we moved her into my, my sister's house and we all took care of her and I let go of my job before this one to just primarily take care of her. I also attempted nursing school at the same time stupidly, which, anyway. So I really took care of her a lot during the day. My sister, she's a lawyer, so, and she has two kids and my brother has two kids, whereas I don't have kids yet. So a lot of the day to day kind of fell on me, which I was happy to do, but we were tired by the end and it was a lot of ups and downs, A lot of, you know, just like common colds getting her. I was terrified of her getting COVID, but I'm pretty sure this woman was like immune to COVID. We she there were.
Speaker 2:So many times she was tested like because she would get sick or whatever, we bring her into the urgent care, and never once did she have a positive COVID test. I was like, well, you're already out on cancer, you don't need COVID too, yeah. And then I think she did so. She stopped chemo. That was really rough. And then she just did like one of the two chemo meds for the next round, like six months later when it started to grow back again, and that was a lot more tolerable. So she did one or two rounds of just the one med and then I think finally she just hit a point where she was like I can't do this anymore. And it was true. I mean she would do chemo and she would knock her out. She'd be knocked out for more time than she would be awake. Like it just got to that point where it was quality over quantity.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and then it was wild though, because January, new Year's Eve last year, 2022, we had a little New Year's shindig with some of her friends at the house. She was so excited, she was like we're having a party and like was totally awake, she stayed up, watched the ball drop and she died 11 days later. Like, she really like I think it was kind of like her, what do they call it?
Speaker 1:right before, you die Last Hurrah.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, I think New Year's Eve last year was her last Hurrah, so I can't believe we're coming up on a year. It's just wild. But I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I did a very good job of telling the story, but no, I think you did, but yeah, but how did taking care of your mom through COVID, through meeting Eric, like how did that affect your relationship with Eric?
Speaker 2:Wow, I think it was probably one of the hardest things my marriage will ever go through. In an Eric agrees. I mean, he was such a trooper and he would go over to my sisters and me anytime and just knew he's very much. I don't know, he's just emotionally so intelligent, like he gets emotions he really does. He was so supportive and it was tough and like, especially when I was doing nursing school, which was last fall so when my mom was really starting to get super sick, I would just take out all my anger and stuff on him because all day long I'd be at school and then I would go take care of my mom and I want to take out anger on her. I just wanted her to know like she's taking care of. And I just kept thinking like if it were me, like I would want to feel as like human, like human as possible, and so I would make sure she was clean and whatever. But yeah, so then it like literally left. I had no gas left for my marriage at that point.
Speaker 2:Like poor guy, I don't think we fought like since she died, though we were talking about this like the other week, like I was like Eric, when's the last time we even fought, you know, so we're doing. Our marriage is better now than it ever has been, but it took a toll on every relationship. Me and my sister got into it super bad right after my mom died. I think that's also pretty normal and my mom it was funny because when my mom's my grandma died, her and her siblings really got into it and I think my mom kind of like could see us the tension like building and I think she almost like knew it was like time to let go. Like she was like okay, yeah, like she didn't want to. She that was the last thing she wanted was for us to be fighting.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you think so when you and Eric would fight or you would you would get take your anger out on him. Do you think he cut you a lot of slack? Like she's going through a lot?
Speaker 2:Oh my God, he didn't deserve a half the shit I put him through, if not all he's like. He is truly a saint.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he is Lucky, you know. So you just had. So it's. It still hasn't quite been one year yet for you. So, it's the I think the hardest year is the first year, because you have to go through everything for the first time without your mom. It changes up your family traditions, your plans, your routine. So this is the hardest time the holiday time. So what are the holidays like without your mom? What was Thanksgiving like?
Speaker 2:Um, thanksgiving was a lot different this year actually, because we decided to go to San Antonio to see Eric's family and then because normally we would just do it at my sisters, with my sister's family and my brother's family, and then Eric and I like that's kind of how holidays get together there's normally a lot of good, just the immediate family. But Eric also had a really good friend getting married that Saturday, right after Thanksgiving. So we were like let's just do Thanksgiving down there this year and I'm really thankful that he planned that and we did that, because I think it would have been hard to be here, although my mom liked Thanksgiving, but she wasn't like gung-ho, like Christmas was her jam, though she made Christmas so magical. Oh my God, you should have seen her present. Her ability to her presence were beautifully wrapped bows, ribbons, like just meticulously wrapped gifts, like you didn't want to even unwrap them. She was sad, I think, to see them unwrapped with somebody with arthritis and back problems.
Speaker 1:That's amazing.
Speaker 2:Oh I know she just loved it. She loved giving Um. So I think Christmas is going to be a lot harder. But one perk is that we are in our new house now and we are going to host this year um, which I'm excited for because, like there's just my mom just like walks out, like there's just so many memories of her everywhere at my brother and sister's house, um, and so I think we're all really excited to start a new tradition here. I think it's going to. I think it's really going to help. It's not going to feel so much like that empty chair.
Speaker 1:Something's missing, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, how about new years? Did you guys usually, like you said that was her last hurrah was new years, so that'll be tough.
Speaker 2:New years I definitely especially like in my earlier twenties and obviously when I lived in Austin, like I went out and about and did my own thing. But, man, the older I get, the less I want to go do all that. So, um, I think new years will make me think of her a lot too this year, just because of last new years spending it with her and everything. But I don't know, I don't know. I have plans for new years or to be determined still, I guess. Okay, I don't know what I should do.
Speaker 1:Kelly we don't do it. We go out to dinner early, and then we just come home and usually fall asleep before midnight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like watching the. What is it? Dick Clark's New Years Rock and Eve.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we watch like the New York one, like just try to make it to the 11 o'clock here, because it's an hour faster over there, yeah, and it's like, yeah, we did it.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure my mom made it later on Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving New Years. She made it later last year than I did because I didn't stay until. My sister is the one that was like, yeah, she was up, she stayed up, I went home because I was tired and I'm like I still kind of feel guilty about that. I wish I would have stayed with her now looking back, but you can't. You can't do all the what ifs right.
Speaker 1:Right, you can't, because you'll be stuck there forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so many good memories. I mean we really all like cancer sucks for sure. But I think, like I think I have a good one of Eric's good friends. His mom has early onset Alzheimer's, is like 60 years old and is like in her last stages of Alzheimer's and I just I don't know. That would be tough, yeah, To watch your mom forget who you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was until the day she, you know, she passed and I just, I think I've had to find ways to be thankful. You know that we did. We had that warning. We had two and a half years to really, you know, do the most with her and we, like, the first summer after she was diagnosed, for example, we rented a cabin up North on the lake and we stayed up there for a week with her and it was like one of the best trips, like me, my brother's sister, my niece and nephews, and like my mom's best friend, michelle, came and my dad even came actually for a little bit. Yeah, my dad and my mom's relationship by the end was actually like like my dad invited us to Florida in 2020, right after she was diagnosed, because he lives down there now in the winters and he's like if you guys want a trip, like just get away. And so, yeah, my parents were like totally chill. At one point I had to kind of ask my mom like there's nothing here anymore, right, like that's would be, and she like laughs.
Speaker 2:I was like no, no, we're just we're just cordial, we're, and it was so like he gave me one of those last memories with her too. So like, like I said, my dad and I's relationships after these years.
Speaker 2:I was going to ask you that when we were talking about your wedding like because you said your dad made a speech and I was wondering how your mom felt about that- oh my God, there wasn't a dry in the house and you know what, Kelly, I had it recording or someone had a recording, but they only recorded like the first half and like the part where he really starts to choke up in the speech like there's no recording of and he just like goes on to say like how he's just so thankful for my mom and being there for me and raising me, and oh, it was, it was such a good speech. But, um, yeah, I guess that's one that's just going to mainly live in my memories, Unfortunately. I'd love to be able to like look back on it.
Speaker 1:But that's good that he gave her so much recognition and credit for what she did and how she made you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he did. Yeah, so it was I just yeah, I feel lucky now. I mean, if you would ask me right after she was diagnosed, even the first year and a half of her cancer, I didn't feel lucky. Oh my God, I was pissed at the world. But it's crazy how your perspective changes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how old was your mom when she died? 60.
Speaker 2:She was born in 59. So I think she would have been 64 this April. So 60.
Speaker 1:You know, I think what you've been through is terrible and but I think, hearing your story and hearing about your relationship with your mom and your family, your mom did. There's so many people who have no relationship with their mom and your mom did such a great job of building such a wonderful family. I think that if you have kids that are willing to like take care of you the way you guys took care of her and not just like shove her in a home or or put her somewhere else for someone to take care of her and clean her up, I mean, that is, that's huge.
Speaker 2:I know she, my cousin did a recording with her shortly, like her last few months alive, and she's like I, just she's like. I talked to my friends. My mom said this she goes. I talked to my friends and their kids don't even hold a candle to mine and like she just felt like she didn't deserve the care that we gave her. But I mean, she always felt that way, like she didn't deserve, but she did.
Speaker 1:You know, clearly she did, because if she didn't, you wouldn't have done it.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, yeah, I think we can worry about this. Your mom, she, yours wasn't unexpected, right Like she had been sick, or was it?
Speaker 1:No, mine was super unexpected. So my story is, my story is I don't even know. My story is hard because my mom died super unexpectedly. We thought my mom had COVID and so we weren't going over there to see her because she's like I'm sick, I don't feel good, I have COVID, I don't want you guys to get sick. And so I was like on my way to work one day I was just telling the story at work because it was just the anniversary of my mom's death yesterday actually.
Speaker 2:And yeah.
Speaker 1:December 1st 2020, my mom died, so yeah, so on the 30th of November was like when everything like crazy happened and I was on my way. I worked like evening that night and I was on my way to work and my dad had called me and he was like freaking out and he was like your mom's not doing good, they're working on it right now and I'm like what, whoa, whoa, whoa working on her like CPR, like what are you talking about? I mean, I was super dramatic person, so like I was just kind of like whatever, what?
Speaker 1:I don't know so.
Speaker 1:I was just kind of like I don't know what's going on, but I'm just going to head on into work and wait and see what happened, what is actually going on, right, right. And so then, like I didn't hear anything, and so I called my sister, I think, and I was like what is going on with mom? You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, and she was just like I'm at the hospital now. It was COVID, so they wouldn't let us go into the hospital. So my mom's in the hospital, we can't go in there.
Speaker 2:The worst.
Speaker 1:It was the worst, but I couldn't be at work either, so I ended up having to leave work but like wait, like just waiting, waiting for somebody to like tell us what's going on. Can we come in? Like what the hell? So finally, yeah, they did end up letting us in that night. It was like eight o'clock PM by the time they let us come in.
Speaker 1:So what had happened is my parents were severe alcoholics and my mom thought she had COVID, but she was really having organ failure, and so what happened is that she was in bed on this day when my dad called me and he went in to check on her because he knew he had, that she hadn't been feeling good. Also, my parents were divorced, not in love, but they lived together, still for convenience. Ok, and I always say that if my dad would have died first, my mom probably would have lived longer. But he went to check on her because he knew she wasn't feeling good and he said her breathing was super shallow and so like, and he was like trying to like wake her up and like get her to respond, and she just really wasn't, and so he called 911. What had happened is her body started going into organ failure, she had a heart attack and went to a coma and never woke up.
Speaker 1:So when we saw her she was already on life support and they said you know, we don't think she's going to survive the night. And so we were like, ok, well, we're going to stay. My brother had COVID at the time so they wouldn't let him come to the hospital. They said you guys should go home and get some rest. And I said I'm really scared to go to go home to leave if she's not going to survive the night. Yeah, and they said well, try to get a little bit of sleep, come back at like eight o'clock or nine o'clock in the morning. So I came back and she's still alive, on life support, in a coma, and they were going to start doing dialysis on her. And I'm like why would you do it? Like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:Like what's going on.
Speaker 1:No, she didn't have anything. But she was very vocal about what she wanted with us kids. She didn't want to be on life support, she didn't want dialysis, she didn't want like a ton of stuff. And so, anyway, long story short, you know, we I ended up like saying, like we're not doing dialysis, you need to wait until my sister and my dad get here. They still won't let my brother come. And so then we had a meeting, like me and my me and my dad and my sister and my brother, I think, was on the phone and I said she wouldn't want this and they're like no, and I said we need to have a serious conversation with the doctor about what is going on and you know what's the best course of action for her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do hear.
Speaker 1:So the doctor came back in and I said I'm going to ask you a lot of questions and they're going to be really blunt and direct, and I just need you to be as honest with me as you can. I'm like what are the odds that she's going to walk out of this hospital better than she walked in? And they said that's not going to happen. Yeah, because they just kept saying your mom is really sick, your mom is really sick. And I'm like what does that mean? What? What is she sick from? Yeah, so finally we figured, you know, figured that out.
Speaker 2:And then they also have After the fact or after she passed.
Speaker 1:No, I asked all this before because we had to make a decision if we're going to keep her on life support or not. So they asked me if my mom was a drinker and I said yes. And they said when when do you think the last time she had a drink was? And I said me? And my sister said well, she's been really sick for like a week, so we don't think she's had a drink at least a week. And they said when they checked her blood alcohol level when she was admitted, it was like she just had two beers before she got there. Oh so, and I don't think that she did. I think that was just what was in her body. Still, so, anyway.
Speaker 1:Finally, I said, you know, when they said she's really sick, she's not going to walk out of here, I said well, we're not going to do anything until my brother can come, Like we need to say goodbye. And then, when they said he can come, then I knew it was really bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, oh even with December of 2020 and he had a COVID infection and they said he can come, but everyone's got to get, like you know all the star bond or whatever. So he came and you know we talked to nobody could come, like nobody could come say goodbye. Oh, there was a lot of like speakerphone conversations, like people just talking to my mom. You know, Isn't it traumatic to think back on? Yeah, it is really like, because sometimes you forget about some of the stuff and then sometimes it comes back to you and it's kind of crazy.
Speaker 2:I remember it, but it like blocking out things it doesn't want to remember. I think mine is anyway my Dory memory.
Speaker 1:I really tried to take it all in, I really wanted to try to remember everything, because it was so crazy and so like unexpected and are like you in that aspect.
Speaker 2:My mom was very active of me, Like essentially my mom. I was lucky enough that my mom passed in my sister's home yeah, we really didn't want to have to be have her in anywhere and I guess I didn't. My mom didn't really voice it as much to me that she was super worried about me seeing her die. But apparently me and then my sister's oldest, who's in seventh grade this year, Wyatt, she really was worried about me and him seeing her die and so anyway I packed a bag to stay at my sister's.
Speaker 2:I must have like had a gut feeling, because it was like Monday I went over there and she had like started to kind of like she wanted to lay in the hospital bed that we had in her room, the hospice bed, and we knew that things were kind of bad from there because she always loved her chair, she hated that bed, and so she got in the bed and Wednesday so Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday she pretty much kind of was starting to go into that coma. I could tell she could hear us. And then Wednesday night, January 11th, it was 6 pm and I was like all right, mom, I'm gonna just run to Colburn's off the street because I just wanted like beer and ice cream.
Speaker 1:I remember it's such a weird combo.
Speaker 2:I know, but I don't even. That's like what we want to get me and Eric. And then my mom's best friend, michelle. They've been best friends since fifth grade. She was there and she said it's okay, peggy, after I left, she goes. It's okay, peggy, you can go now, because I think she knew that my mom didn't want me to see and it did. So we were gone for like literally 15 minutes and we started to get calls from my brother-in-law, my sister's husband, and he was like you got to get back here, you got to get back here right now. And so I'm like, oh my God, eric, hurry up, like speed back. And it did my sister and brother. All of a sudden she really struggled to breathe. They were trying to like pump her with more morphine to keep her comfortable, and so I ran up the driveway and I said mom, I'm here. And she opened her eyes and she took her last breath as I walked in the door and she died at 7.11 pm. Yeah, call.
Speaker 1:Piss would you have been if she died before you got there?
Speaker 2:Well, and a little bit to me it kind of feels like she did, because I was so like beside myself that like I don't even recall like seeing her eyes open. But I just trust my family right, and like I was there and like I said, she really had started to fade those last three days but we were, it was definitely like was that her last breath and she slowly started to lose her color. But I almost think it's it's kind of a cool story. Like she opened her eyes, I think she heard my voice and she let go.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was a pretty crazy death story. Yours is. We took a lot more like less, I don't know. We have very different. There wasn't a lot of time, there wasn't a lot of time at all for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so yeah, they took my mom off life support and she lived seven, seven minutes, I think, wow. And I remember, like when they took her off watching that heart monitor, just like you know what I'm o put down for her now. And then I remember watching the nurse and watching the monitor and watching my mom, and then the nurse looked at me because she knew I kept looking at her and she was like, and I was like, oh my God, it's just yeah, it was so.
Speaker 2:We didn't have like any of that like hooked up but we had an oximeter and my brother, especially the last few days, like I, was the one that was like I have the medical background like my brother or sister do not, but he became like very obsessed with checking her O2 levels because they were like slowly dropping like I think right before she passed. They were like in the 50s or 60s I know. But yeah, I just remember that very clearly like him like constantly checking that and those damn medical machines. Sometimes you know they just they're a lot, it's all a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it becomes. It starts to become very clinical, right, and you don't want to feel like that. You want it to feel more emotional, so right.
Speaker 2:And they were really good. The hospice, oh my God, I can't even remember right now. I think we were through prognoclet hospice, I can't, but they were amazing, oh my gosh. Throughout the whole thing they were just great and they were really prompt at getting there that night and kind of removing the oxygen and her pain pump that she had. And the other thing that my husband was adamant about and I'm so thankful is that he didn't want me to see like the body begging process.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And that was one thing that my sister-in-law had seen with her mom, because my sister-in-law's mom had actually just passed like five months before mine. Anyway, she like really regretted seeing that, and so my sister and me and Eric and the kids, we all went back to my apartment when they came to do that, which I'm just glad Like my last memory is like seeing her laying peacefully in that bed yeah, not being beg.
Speaker 1:It's still hard, though, too, because that was mine too Like they're like okay, you know she's gone, you guys can have as much time as you want. Yeah, so leaving that room just leaving her there, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean it is hard because, like you said, like they start to change really fast once you die. Yes, and it's, it's. There's just not a win, right? You don't want to leave them there and then you don't know, like how they're handled, and but you don't want to stay and watch them like start to decompose. Yeah, it's so final and terrible.
Speaker 2:So Wyatt was actually at La Crosse and Eden Prairie and my sister's house is in Ossego, so this is like a 40 minute haul and he was going to be on his way home. I think he he didn't make it home until so she died at 7-eleven. I don't think. He got there until almost like 8-45. And so I lay in like I didn't want to get up, like I just laid with her, but I like I really wanted to keep her like warm for like when he got there to say goodbye to her, and so me and my siblings and my older nephew, ryland, like we all just kind of take to turns like laying with her. But it is, it was. It was hard to leave that room, super hard, but yeah, you also you know you have to I didn't really look at her, I just laid with her and held her hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, carrie, you know I'm I'm so sad that our moms died, but I'm so happy that we crossed paths with each other.
Speaker 2:And all me too. I love you.
Speaker 1:I love that. I know I can always talk to you about it If I'm having a bad day and you completely understand where I'm at and what it feels like.
Speaker 2:So I know. I wish I would have known that yesterday was the year mark.
Speaker 1:So three, three years now. Yeah, it's also Wendy's birthday, so I really try to not focus on that. It's the day my mom died. I try to focus on that. It's Wendy's birthday. Yes, oh my gosh. I remember when my mom was in the hospital I was like don't die. Today it's Wendy's birthday.
Speaker 2:I, I, but it does like help, kind of give you something happy on that day too.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So my brother in law, my, my sister's husband's mom died like 10 years ago on my sister's birthday, and then my they were together. Well, they were together.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, and then Ryan, his birthday was January 12th. We were all like my mom's not going to die on January 12th. She's not that mean, and she didn't. We're like she's too nice to do that yeah.
Speaker 1:She's a good girl. Right One, she made it, you know she. Well, you know she gave you one day less but, yeah, anyway, all right, Carrie. Well, thank you so much for telling your story and talking about things that are difficult, but it was lovely to have you on the podcast and I'm sure I'll see you soon.
Speaker 2:Yes, I kind of feel like I like did a podcast but also just got out of like a therapy session.
Speaker 1:It is therapeutic to talk about it. You know there's a part where it's hard to talk about it and then you get to a part where it gets easier to talk about it and I hope that people can listen to this and understand what they haven't gone through yet or feel like there's other people that are going through a hard time too, so for sure.
Speaker 2:Hey, Kelly and Carrie, we're always here to talk if you need.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, we'll talk to you guys later. Thanks for listening. Bye Thank you.